Motorcycles & Mysticism
I survived a motorcycle accident.
I had reconstructive surgery the evening before my birthday.
I had the most amazing birthday... because I'm here.
Lissen, I walked away under my own power. My wife drove me to the emergency room herself because the EMT's said we were right around the corner from the nearest ER. It was a slow-speed accident, not even on a city road. I had help immediately. I wasn't riding alone; my wife was right behind me and helpful people were there in the resort area where we were staying and where my fall occurred.
I say this all to say, I was fine, as things went. It was a rather ideal accident experience.
In the first ER, I learned I needed surgery. The broken bone was also displaced; I'd need a plate and screws to hold the bone and have it heal properly. The transfer to the next hospital was afoot. It was to a level 1 trauma hospital, so yet another fortunate turn of events.
My wife and I were in a hallway in the middle of the night for about 10 hours. We heard and saw all kinds of things. And it's Florida, so, there's that.
I had a mystical experience during what is called a "reduction" of my forearm bones. This is when medical folks basically pull on the bones to reset them. The reduction, counterintuitive to how it sounds, was to relengthen my arm bones.
"Re -" meaning back or again and "-duction" from 'ducare' meaning draw out or lead out. The specific break and displacement I had happens when an outstretched arm breaks a fall.
When they first said that they were about to pull my arm back in place, a little girl from deep inside my consciousness emerged and pled for them not to do it. My adult self knew it had to be done, but nonetheless, a part of me that was deep and heretofore dormant came forward afraid and hesitant. I got the opportunity to see her for the first time in decades and reassure her that I, the adult, had made it to maturity, thanks to her, and that I would take over from here and that she had nothing whatsoever to fear. That little girl, for the first time, seemed genuinely appeased. She receded and rejoined my greater consciousness and I, the adult, circling my 48th anniversary of life, stepped forward.
They 1st gave me 100mg of Fentanyl. When the Dr. was about to begin, I felt myself ask for time to breathe and prepare, I pled for just a little time...I was still negotiating with my own denial. Then...it began.
I did not enter another dimension; I entered the one I was in fully.
I screamed...but in words.
My first words were just exclamations. No profanity, believe it or not.
Then after the doctor told me to release my muscle tension, I went into affirmations. I used words that I know of that, for me, have power. And, you should know that I'm a classically trained actor and a professional voice artist.
So, when I tell you I was at full volume, you'll understand why that hallway (yes, this was all happening in a Florida hospital hallway) was full of spectators drawn by the screams.
After about 5 minutes (which should have been the length of the entire procedure), they gave me another 100mg of Fentanyl.
A nurse came to help the doctor, she told my wife that most people get 50 maybe 100 mg of fentanyl, maximum.
I have an extremely high tolerance for substances, and so here we are, 200mg in... and I'm still screaming.
The reduction process lasted for another 15 minutes approximately. The Dr. was determined to get the arm straightened and prepared for surgery. His chest was sweating, the nurse's face was contorting as she watched the x-ray of the manipulation. My wife was solid and encouraging, fully present and fully alive, awake, & aware -- bearing witness. More than should be asked of any mere mortal.
I broke into a secret mantra that I was never supposed to utter aloud in the presence of others.
I repeated it, on full voice, over and over.
My arm muscles relaxed. The Dr. and nurse kept pulling and pushing.
Finally, my mind asked me to keep a positive attitude and I went into the "Mr. Rogers" theme song. I serenaded the hallway in that until the "Reading Rainbow" theme song came up. They got a good rendition of that and it felt like folks were going to join in, but that was probably the fentanyl. *
(*It turns out, my wife told me later, that the nurse DID join me in singing the "Reading Rainbow" theme song. She said it was her favorite song and she hadn't thought about it in years.
*Look at LeVar Burton & Tina Fabrique, the singer of the theme, outchea saving lives.)
Then the Dr. was complete. He had done all he could do. It was not perfect but much straighter than before.
I watched myself come fully alive while I faced old fears I had forgotten I had.
My helmet was barely scratched. My engine/crash bars saved my leg from injury, though the knee that caught the ground in gravity first is a little bruised. My arm saved my body from greater trauma.
I held off on calling my mother until right before surgery, because I didn't want her to worry or try to come to where we were. She's good for that midnight train to Georgia type mission to be with those in need, especially her only daughter.
The surgery went well because I don't remember a thing.
I have minimal swelling and numbness and a fully "bionic arm" to annoy airport security for the rest of my life.
The plate and screws are stainless steel, like parts of my bike, which I love and am selling tomorrow.
This is a thank you, first and foremost, to all those who wished me a happy birthday yesterday as I was recovering from surgery you had no idea about. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
But secondly, this is a call to those with ears to hear.
Your time is short.
Your time is short.
Your time is short.
Any operating table can be your last operating table.
And if you look at it right, these fleeting moments of our lives are all operating tables.
Get in there and straighten out the things you need to straighten out in yourself. Ask for help if you need it, scream and chant, and sing if you have to, but do it. Do it now.
Be here, now, as Ram Das said.
Learn yourself to know yourself, as the ancient Egyptians have said and many others have reiterated.
There is no time. It's all happening now, you only become aware of snatches at a time in an apparent linearity. But this is largely an illusion.
Our quantum physicists finally have been able to rearticulate this ancient wisdom in modern terms. So, now is the only time you really have.
Don't fall off a Harley-Davidson to come fully alive. Just do it now, where you are, with what you have.
Tell your folks that you're not leaving them, you're coming home to yourself. Invite them to join you on your journey, but if they don't wanna go, let them tend to their own path, and keep on going on yours anyway.
This is a process, this coming alive thing. It's not a graduation, it's a marathon as Nipsey Hussle said. It's not an event but a way of being and walking in and touching the world.
This is an immersive illusion we're in. So, sing about it when you have a chance.
Don't let the profane define your most seminal experiences.
Go up instead. Raise your vibration and voice and fist and heart to those places that make you glad. Because from there, you can see for miles around.
You can see the coming and going and don't fear it. You can see the illusion and reality side by side and not be confused. It must be how MLK felt when he said he had been to the mountain top, describing his trip to his higher mind in ways his congregation could understand.
The thing is, you don't have to take a trip. Hear me when I say your higher mind that sings as your bones are being stretched under your skin is with you always... even now.
Your time is short.
Let's get on with the business of living.
I don't know about you, but with the rest of my time, I'm tearing this shit to the ground, because the state of affairs we all live and labor under is unnatural in the harm it does to literally everything it comes in contact with. Western culture has had its run, but time's up.
I'm here to bring the sword. *
*Where have you heard that before? (Pro tip: check your bible)
Join me by being on your own quest to come fully alive and living that way every moment that you can.
Let each day be a Happy Birthday to us all!
Wake up and live!