let's talk about it.
adults just joke about it, typically. why don't we fukin' talk about it? really, tho'.
i mean... it's important. like, really important.
only people not having sex say it’s not important.
sure, you can take breaks. but you can't stop your sexual unfoldment once it starts... like your heart - it's gotta keep goin' some kinda way, clogged arteries or not.
we are so trapped up about it we've created an entire culture of ill-consent and rape to avoid really dealing with the one thing in this life that is simultaneously the most delicious and dangerous thing you can do with your body -- on every fukin' level.
we've debased it.
we've maligned it.
we’ve suppressed it.
we've tried to legislate it, control it, abstain from it, erase it...
but, this tricky thing of sex being connected to the propagation of the species keeps us from ever being able to get rid of it... just like the conundrum whitedom finds itself in with Blackdom.
we're grown here...
why we actin' like we all don't know there is something extremely powerful about sex that we aren’t being told and only handfuls of us are lucky enuff to find out?
there's simply more to it.
the process of it, the whole process of it, from pheromones to final moans is more than just pleasure and/or babies.
sex can unlock things... potentials, worlds, states of consciousness and being... like a psychedelic, it can alter your state of consciousness and reveal worlds of information normally dormant and invisible to you. Sex is, in fact, one of nature’s most powerful psychedelics – just think of the neurochemical cocktail alone. And… if you have ever done psychedelics (no… no… really done them) then you know what can be discovered therein with proper training & guidance. In an uber-repressive society, ain’t nobody got time for the masses to start expanding their consciousness, so the culture will tell you that you can only use this amazing mind-expanding tool for the bare necessitates – only more babies, and if you enjoy it, for god’s sake don’t talk about it. That’s it. Nothing else to see here; move along. It’s like having an iPhone with no data plan. Dafuq you supposed to do with that? Just make calls? We’d never stand for that level of half-assedness with our technology, but when it comes to sex – the primal technology – we’ll just take a good nut here and there and ask no more questions.
We’ve been bamboozled.
y'all followin' me? ...is it just me?
nah. it ain't; i already know the answer to that one.
why don't we acknowledge it so we can talk about it, so we can inform ourselves, so we can stop all this shame and guilt and degraded use of sacred energies, incepting an atrophy of our innate capabilities?
There is a human potential, a power that can be released in sexual dimensions, and I have significant reason to believe that just like ideologies and institutions this power can either be corrupted or edified. In the main, this civilization has chosen to corrupt our sexual power in the name of control and concentrated accumulation of economic, social, and political power. …a total and utter waste of human potential and creativity.
how many of you all were ever alerted to the fact that around age 35 for women and 37 for men (in the western culture), you'd hit a "2nd puberty?" who got that memo? i shole didn't. all that estrogen and testosterone [please tell me y'all know women also have & need testosterone just as men also have & need estrogen...] that shit had me on my knees, y'all... and it was sooo much more powerful & deeply moving than when i was 14 because this time around i knew 2 things and had 1 other: I knew what was happening & I knew what to do, and i had the skills to do many great things about it.
so... how many of y'all got the memo about the 3rd wave in your early 40's?!
why isn't someone teaching some classes on this shit?! this is so not fair that humans have made it on this planet in one form or another for millions of gahtdamned years and here we are apparently at the pinnacle of human achievement and evolution and no one... NO ONE talks with you frankly about your sexual evolution and what that has to do with your total evolvement as a multi-dimensional being (except the Tantrists… that old-time Goddess religion is where it’s at, apparently).
now, we have all this education, right?! all this religion, right? all these sports and shit, right? all these artistic and commercial endeavors. all this work and activity we pour hours and years of our lives into and not one widely accepted and available option to learn how your sexual self integrates into the rest of your life, how to become a sexually mature person, and what that journey is like... what it’s REALLY like. There’s no real guidance in this. You’re just supposed to endure the indignities of a sexually repressed social order, traumatizing most of the youth prior to puberty, and hopefully figure it all out. then we sit and wonder why & how the best we’ve been able to come up with is a hellified rape culture on steroids and a less than 50/50 shot at maintaining long-term, loving, and sexually fulfilling partnerships… we act really shocked at the sheer inhumanity demonstrated in some of our attitudes about, perversions of, and violations committed in the name (and form) of sex, but not shocked enough to question why these things are – why they exist at all & what the larger culture has to do with that.
Some folks stumble into some pretty awesome sexual experiences, because, as happens with life generally, there’s always some autodidact out there who’ll get it from the aether whether anyone shows up to teach them or not. Yet, the rest of us need more than tips from Teen Vogue on fellatio and cunnilingus and anal sex, we need full-tenured professorial lessons on the whole process of merging with another to amplify our human electromagnetic carrying capacity and vibrational output… basically sex is the fiberoptics of signal transmission & reception between you and the Universe you swim in. This is just physics, folks. Nothin’ “woo woo” here.
They’ve been lying to us about what sex is, what else it’s for, and what it can do when done with love and joy and, most importantly, skill.
The reason I’m now a professional artist is because I’ve learned, via discipline and hours of devoted attention and practice, that the things from which I derive the most joy happen also to be those things in which I have honed the most skill. With skill and discipline, I can enjoy more of the experience of whatever I’m creating because the practiced techniques run by themselves in a nearly unconscious background and I can then focus on being present during the creation, really and fully bringing all of me to the foreground. …I cain’t lie, this is an attitude and approach I have, indeed, brought into my sex life as well. However, aside from my studies in Tantra, I haven’t found any sex schools or sex universities or online courses where you can get your degree in 2 years. And, i’m not talmbout academia-type sex classes, I’m talkin’ vocational school-type sex classes where it’s hands-muthafuckin’-on and you may even have a lil’ uniform and might need protective wear on lab days. But… I have found, and we all have found, pornography. The ultimate bastardization of sex and sexual practice. The unimaginative attempt at realizing the fullness of one of the most seminal human experiences (really, no pun intended) via virtuality and voyeurism. Porn is the porn of the human experience – it pornographizes our most creative act as beings. It’s a 2-dimensional non-reality that warps your view of real life to the extent that you feel something is wrong with you for not matching the image. Porn is no education at all, no more than a picture of water will quench your thirst. Please tell me you know this. Because I know this, I don’t have to be anti-porn, just pro-real (read: fully actualized) sex.
If there is anything I would like to spend some (more) serious hours perfecting… it’s sex – from appreciation & presence to technique, stamina, and skill. All kinds, too: individual, couple, group, inside, outside, full moon, new moon, with cereal after and without… all of it. Through my own experiences and self-initiations into some seriously wild places in body and consciousness with willing and oh-so-capable partners and alone, I am more and more convinced as I mature that there are, in fact and indeed, some ordinary human powers we’ve not been told about, some levels of consciousness and sentience that we can work with and use for our personal & collective upliftment. sex is the door; we’re the key… and, mostly, we don’t even know it. Yet, I think we all perceive it, on the very fringes of our senses at some time or another. These ‘sex positivity’ movements are probably coming from an awakening of this knowledge in the collective unconscious experience. Thing is though, the phases are all different and most information out there makes it seems like sex is a monolithic process. It’s so not. There’s a zero wave and this is the infantile sexuality. Look how shocked you feel right now… see, we really don’t talk about this because our views of sex are so society-dulled and unnuanced (but, this is a whole other topic for another time…). Then the 1st active wave in your teens yields very different experiences of the sexual self than the 2nd phase in the mid-to-late 30s. Then there’s this (total surprise, to me anyway) 3rd wave in the early 40s. Tha’s that 40 oz., heavyweight sexuality that’s supposed to be finely tuned and all mature and shit by this point. But naw… we’re being emotionally neutered by our culture and stunted in our potential unfolding & integration of our whole sexual selves. Instead we get pornhub and sex trafficking. Great.
I dunno, y’all… I think there are so many more vistas to explore on this front. I mean, if you have the power of an LSD trip –which can break down the walls of your cultural conditioning –locked up in your willingness to open up and get down, like damn, why not tap that shit? If you can unravel your societal programming and rewrite your sense of self by learning the art of ecstasy, what the hell do you have to lose (as 45 has infamously said)? We know what the ruling class would have to lose... us gahtdammit! We'd be free. ... hmm, cain't have that, right?!
Let’s just start by actually talking to each other in polite conversation about it. Bring it all to the table, that grown and sexy conversation over a game of spades about how sex is after 40 – how much better it is, how much better you’ve gotten at it, where you feel stuck and repressed, things that bother you about your sexual appetites, things that excite you about them, how you seamlessly weave your sexual energies into your work and life. i wanna focus on the 3rd wave, that 40s wave, 'cuz that's when you can reach forward and backward in time to learn and teach and share and grow. In our 40s, we are in a position of wisdom and vitality at once – we can reach back and help those younger ones still goin' thru and also reach forward in vigor and curiosity for the new thing, the next phase that evolves us. Bring it all to the table, Fam, unabashedly, non-judgmentally, compassionately, ‘cuz this 40-oz. type of sexuality, this heavyweight, not-for-the-faint-of-heart (literally) kind of sexuality is a whole new world and it deserves, at least, a conversation.
We’re overdue for a new way to talk about sex and well overdue for new ways to experience it and use it and share it.